I'm largely a task-oriented person. I like to see measurable results. The problem with being task-oriented, is that I get these ideas for organization, or I just get bit with the cleaning bug, and I just want to go until the project's done. Not really possible with a 3 year-old and an 18 month-old.
On the other hand, it's hard to resist a small face begging me to read a book, or someone needing a snuggle. This is such a crucial time to be with them and teach them. Timothy will be starting school all too soon, and Andrew's already growing up so fast! We took the side off of his crib this week, and he's learning to stay in it. I can almost see the wheels turning though: "What's the point of being able to get in and out of my bed if I'm supposed to stay there?" Oh well, it's getting better each night. Maybe soon we'll even find him asleep in the bed and not on the floor.
I keep reminding myself that Timothy is learning too. He knows his letters, he's very independent with building, and he loves to show how big he's getting. ...If only he'd potty train. I was looking back at my journal from last year, and realized it's been almost a year, off and on, that we've been working on this. At first he just wasn't ready, then we stopped because Mommy was loosing patience too easily. I have better hopes for this try, but he's still pretty resistant. It's hard for me not to get frustrated. But I guess this is a learning experience to me too. Certain things take longer for some people than others. I'm reminded all the time that this is one project that is not on my timetable, and it's going to take a lot more work than I'd prefer. But it does have measurable results. And, as my brothers can attest, it took me a long time to learn some things too (They had to eat my cooking while I learned.) One day both Timothy and I will reach our goal. He with potty training, and me with knowing how to best teach them. I'm pretty sure he'll reach his first. =)
I know what you're getting at with this, at least I think I do, but I take exception to the "better at being their Mom." You are a great mom. In the very next paragraph, you recognize that they are growing and this is a crucial time for snuggles and security and reading and love. Not organization and scrubbing and Stepford-esque cleanliness.
ReplyDeleteWhat part of your early childhood do you think made a bigger impact on you? The state of the housework or the time your parents spent teaching you how to be a person? . As they grow, so will their responsibilities for helping you keep things neat. Until then, clean enough to stay healthy and don't worry about the rest.
Thanks Mandy. That quote you used, it was pretty much me and my insecurities popping up. But that was kind of the point of the thought. I can get into these moments, but I'm learning when to focus on projects (in short bursts, or after bedtime), and when to focus on them (most of my day). I guess I was trying to say that I'm not perfect, but I'm learning, just as they are. =)
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