Random bits.

I'm doing better today. Things aren't as raw. We had a good, quiet day. Time to make peace.

We called the Doctor today to schedule my "Procedure". Still not sure exactly what to call it. Like I said before, "Delivery" and "Removal" both work, but neither seems to fit. But then, a lot of words don't seem adequate for this week. Funny how language can strike you as odd. A part of my brain comments on this, but remotely. It seems I'm noticing a lot of things in a disconnected way this week.

I've also thought today about this culture's tendency to answer almost every situation with food. Birth? They bring dinner. Death? They bring dinner. Illness? Dinner. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate it. It's a wonderful blessing, especially since it's one of the last things you want to think about, but you do have to eat. It's people's way of serving you, and doing what they can to show support. I've done it too. Like I said, it's not a bad thing, just something I've considered in a whole new way this week.

My body is another strange thing. Already, my waist seems shrunken. I know it's not really, not yet. I'm still wearing the same jeans I wore last week. Perhaps it's a combination of feeling the loss, and actually accepting that I wasn't as big as I should have been. Halfway through, most people aren't still cinching the drawstrings on their maternity skirts, and it's a bit more obvious that you're actually expecting at that point. At least it was for me before.

Like I said, odd things pass through your head. But I don't think that's a bad thing. Just mind's way of organizing things. Maybe making room to grieve. Or maybe just my mind and the crazy paths it takes.

John thought I was crazy for doing laundry and de-boning a chicken tonight. But those things needed to be done. Life goes on. Order must be wrought from chaos. And there seems to be a lot of everyday chaos here. Two small children will do that to a house. And I need that normalcy right now. Keeps me going....